Conscious Uncoupling™ Certified Coach

Why You Feel Like a Fraud

I’ve often had a big challenge with honesty.

The truth can be terrifying.

Sometimes, it’s just so much easier to stuff away my feelings instead of acknowledging the truth about something.

Because when you don’t deal with your feelings, you won’t have to deal with the pain…right?

Ehhh…not so much.

What I’ve discovered is that avoiding my feelings just intensifies and prolongs the pain.

And, as a bonus, it brings up additional pain points of not feeling good enough, feeling like a fraud, and not feeling worthy…because you’re not being the real you.

You often have great intentions when you push down your feelings.

You don’t want to be selfish.

You don’t want to hurt someone you love.

You tell yourself, “It’s really not that big of a deal. It’s not worth getting into an argument over this. I’ll get over it.”

I used to do this all the time.

Having a difficult conversation was worse than torture for me.

However, when I stuffed down my feelings, I felt like I had a 50-pound weight sitting on my chest.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

My anxiety level went through the roof.

It wasn’t like my husband-at-the-time didn’t know something was wrong. As much as I thought I was hiding my feelings, they were manifesting in other ways.

I was edgy. I was snapping at my kids. I was walking around angry and miserable.

Not a pretty sight.

I was looking for him to ask me what was wrong. And I was pretty pissed when he didn’t ask.

The thing was, even if he had asked, I probably would have said, “Nothing,” as I was too freakin’ scared to share my true feelings.

And the vicious cycle continued.

Me not speaking up.

Me feeling bad about myself.

Me feeling even more angry and anxious.

One day, when the pain became unbearable, I finally found the courage to have the difficult conversation.

I felt like I was going to puke, but I had it anyway.

As I suspected, what I said did upset my husband.

But what happened next was truly a miracle.

As soon as the conversation was over, I felt FREEDOM.

The weight on my chest lifted and I could breathe more easily.

I felt a sense of peace because I was being honest with my feelings and myself.

I spoke my truth.

And my husband eventually told me that he appreciated me sharing my feelings, even though what I shared was hard to hear.

So the next time you feel like stuffing down your feelings by having that extra glass of wine, pint of ice cream, or vacuuming the floor for the third time, I invite you to try something different.

Take a few long, slow deep breaths and ask yourself:

What am I feeling right now? 

What are my feelings trying to teach me? 

What do I need to say right now to be in alignment with myself?

  • We need to break up?
  • I need to quit this job?
  • I don’t feel comfortable with this plan?
  • I can’t take that on right now?
  • I deserve to be treated better?
  • That doesn’t work for me?

What if speaking your truth was the beginning of you taking your life back and getting everything that you desired?

Share your thoughts below, I’d love to hear!